Guilty of Pew Stealing
One of my favorite memories as a teen is not centered around a overly positive experience. It wasn't really a bad experience, but more one that taught me something about human nature.
I was sixteen years old. My family had just moved from Montreal, PQ to a small city just outside Vancouver, BC. We had arrived in town just before the weekend and really hadn't got our boxes unpacked that Sunday morning when we got up and headed to church. Dad was the new pastor of a church. The biggest question of the morning: where were my mother, my sister and I supposed to sit. Mom was never the kind of Pastor's Wife that had any desire for a high profile in the church so we chose to sit in a back corner, about three rows from the back and against the outside aisle. Of course, we were in our seats a few minutes before the service began.
Just as the service began, a married couple came walking in and uttered words I'll never forget: "Excuse me, those are our seats." And then they stood there waiting for us to move. Stunned beyond words, we got the not-so-subtle-hint and moved back a row... because it was empty! As a sixteen year old who was still developing his spiritual gift of sarcasm...
But wait, that's not all!
Five minutes later, well after the service had begun, a family comes walking in... "Oh (with feigned surprise), we normally sit there. We'll find another seat - this week." The point was made! They easily found another seat a couple rows up.
You have no idea of the amount of joy that flooded my soul later in the service. The Vice Chairman of the Church Board introduced my father to the church family, and then asked if we would stand up. Before I heard welcoming applause, I heard a gasp from a few people in the rows in front of us. At the conclusion of the service, most of those seated around us gave us a hearty welcome.
That day, I learned that Pew Stealing is a terrible abomination. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pew. I do not recall ever sitting in that area of that church after that day.
The Church is about change... helping people change so they can become more like Christ. Just don't ask some of them to change the pew they sit in.
I AM Proud of my Citizenship
I just finished watching the final medal sport of the 2010 Winter Olympics. The Canadian Men’s Hockey team beat the USA team in overtime.
I was born in Hong Kong to missionary parents. By birth- determined citizenship is Canadian. I am living in the States and have been a Naturalized citizen of the USA for more than four years now.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been proud when USA team members won gold, I have been proud when Canadian teams won. I was ecstatic when the Canadian hockey team won.
There was something that happened earlier today that made me even more ecstatic though. Something tied to another, more important, citizenship that I also hold. When I was child, I became a citizen of heaven and what truly brought a tear to my eye was watching a handful of people walked to the front of a church auditorium and make the decision to follow Christ! Now that’s something to be proud of!
Philippians 3:20 “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ”
I am proud of my citizenship in heaven!
Distilled thots from the #GroupLife Conference
Saturday some of our group life coaches attended the WCA Group Life Conference. We attended at a local church in Doylestown and watched the conference via satellite feed from Chicago. It wasn't quite the same as actually being there but we were, nonetheless, challenged and inspired.
The first session was filled with technical difficulties and we only got to see about three or four minutes as the speaker wrapped up. The first session we were able to see was presented by Mindy Caliguire who pointed to 'the primary quality in a small group leader: A healthy Soul.' She pointed out some of the "Symptoms of Soul Neglect" which, unfortunately, I have aquired some personal knowledge in over the years. Anger, apathy, judgmental spirit, insomnia, fear and isolation. Thankfully, Mindy pointed out some of the "Symptoms of a Healthy Soul" also. Humble confidence, safety in our relationships, clear purpose, energy and awareness to what God is doing around us. The most memorable piece of Mindy's talk had to do with what she referred to as four zones of leadership. I'll be tracking down her book for further learning, Discovering Soul Care. Hopefully the publisher will make it available on the Kindle. 
I will not soon forget her comment: "Leadership can be dangerous to our soul."
Dr. Henry Cloud followed next in the batting order and covered the topic of safety in group life. He covered seven ingredients to people feeling safe in a group setting. 1) They need to know the rules (that we want to address areas of hurt), 2) They need a structured path (knowing how to work through tensions for example), 3) They should have a 'language' (phrases that quickly get everyone on the same page, 'last 10%'), 4) They are helping each other (intentional involvement in each others lives), 5) They see it modeled (leaders must show the way), 6) They establish group norms (a group sub-culture of expected behaviors), 7) They talk about what safe looks like (specifically defined by individuals w/o judgment).
I've been reading Heather Zempel's blog for what seems like a year now. She generated some of the best comments by talking about her experience with "pig poo." I hope she retells it in her blog because I could not do it justice. Heather's topic: Community is messy! We can't just say STOP to the mess in community. We must create environments where the mess becomes useful in the transformation of lives. When people grow in their faith, mess is the actual by-product. When people grow in their faith, mess is can be the catalyst for that very growth. She gave us three types of mess that exist in groups; Sin, Relational Tension/Conflict and Life mess (the uphill seasons of life). I'll be spending some time on this and teaching these thoughts to our group life leaders!
Then it was time for lunch! Our group ran out to a small deli across the street from the courthouse. Great food!
In the always tough speaking slot - because blood is flowing to the stomach to digest food instead of keeping the brain sharp and alert - was Russ Robinson. Russ used a case study approach with live drama to illustrate the idea that leaders need more than topical and biblical knowledge, they need more than skills at facilitating a group discussion, they need "situational decision making ability." The maturity in how to deal with the mess as is actually happens.
Bill Donahue addressed one of my personally favorite topics: Looking at Scripture in Group. He reminds us that 1) we need to study the Bible for yourself but not by yourself, 2) we should never engage the text without encountering the author, and 3) we need to read the Bible for transformation not just information. My thoughts continued to drift to how our groups can become too curriculum dependent and miss the focused study and application of biblical principles.
One of my favorite communicators, Andy Stanley finished the line up of speakers. Our groups are currently using his LO$T series with great response. Andy walked through the reasons why he is sold out to group life. He addressed Sr. Pastors frankly who want their people in groups but claim they are too busy for group life themselves: hypocrisy. Having served one of those leaders I am so happy to have a senior pastor who is committed to living out group life personally, not just corporately. It truly does make leading the local church into group life so much easier!
When I attend conferences, I tend to keep a separate page of random thoughts. I had a few but this one stands out: "You can't be in each others lives if you only meet a couple of times a month." Thinking it though, even once a week isn't enough.
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:46-47
You Need My Priorities
Have you ever wondered why people don't have the money to do the things that you are so passionate about? Ever wondered why it is you don't have the funds to do what others are so passionate about?
I love to golf. Admittedly, it can be is an expensive hobby to take on. When people ask me how often I golf, I have a great answer: "Not as much as I'd like, more than my wife likes, and all that my budget can afford." That inevitably leads into a discussion of the cost of golfing and who that individual just can't afford to golf. What they don't realize is that I have no problem sacrificing other expenses so that I can golf. I don't have digital cable. As of this writing still don't have a flat screen TV. We eat at home way more than we eat out. We buy used vehicles. I can't remember the last time I bought a CD that wasn't a gift for someone else.
What is it that makes golf affordable to me but not others? It has nothing to do with income. It has everything to do with priorities. We always have enough money to do the things we place high priority on. We may not always feel that way, but the truth is, every time we make an expenditure, we are revealing our priorities. When someone "can't" pay their mortgage, but they've been out for dinner four nights a week for the last month, it shows their priorities.
Jesus said the words that echo in my mind: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:21). At first scan we can take this as a statement that indicates that we will fund our priorities. And there is truth in this statement. However, there is a deeper teaching though: Our heart follows our funding. Where we invest our time, talent and treasure, our hearts will make those places a priority.
In our arrogance, when we try to help people we assume that their problems would be so much smaller, it not go away all together, if their priorities were the same as our own. However, what we fail to realize is that we have our own problems... we are not the standard to which others need to measure themselves. There needs to be something that is objective, not tainted by culture and selfish ambition. If we use the priority system that is found in Scripture, we will see that we all fail in some way, but we will also have to perfect model to emulate.
Hugs Not Slugs
Recently someone told me of an interesting encounter they had in the hallway of the church. This individual, B____, told me of how they saw person C____ and asked the age old question, "How are you doing?" C____ proceeded to unload much of what was on their mind and heart. There were a few things that made this exchange unique.
Firstly, C____ is not one of those people that complain about everything to everyone who asks. You know the type, the cartoon character with the storm-cloud over their head.
Secondly, and more to my point, C____ had been making negative comments about B____ to many individuals over the previous few months!
As C____ unloaded the world of hurt that they were going through, B____'s response was one of conflicting emotion. Externally, B____ responded with hugs and comfort. Internally, B____ was wrestling with their feelings. B____'s own hurt that had been caused by C____ began to well up. B____'s own hurt wanted them to respond with slugs, not hugs.
B____ asked me, "Was I wrong for feeling that way?" "Was I a hypocrit for giving a hug when internally I wasn't sure I really wanted too?" As we talked it through, it became obvious that, despite the way C____ had treated B____, B____ was acting in the right way and with the right attitude.
When we find ourselves in a situation like this, far too often our sinful nature wants the Shakespearean 'pound of flesh.' When in fact, God's word tells us to do exactly what B____ did, to extend grace to those that need it, not just to those that deserve it. Matthew 5:39 says, "Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in his book, The Cost of Discipleship, about the difference between what he calls "cheap grace" and "costly grace." Cheap grace is what we experience if we accept Christ as Savior. Costly grace is what we experience when we accept Christ as Savior and Lord. Costly grace results in life transformation, not just in our actions, but also in our attitudes.
B____'s response to C____ shows that B____'s understands the costly grace that Christ extends to us is to result is us provided hugs, not slugs to those that hurt us.
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