One of the poor habits I come across as I talk with group leaders is a reluctance to continue a scheduled group meeting if one or two people are unable to attend. This is going to be a little weird: I sometimes wonder if, even in a small group setting, we can become numbers driven. The fact is that people are not going to show up on occasion… and even for good reason!

Some of the best times I’ve had a group are when most of the members didn’t make it. We’d just put the material aside and spend a drawn out time focusing on the really important part of group life: each other.

As we look forward into this new and coming year, I wish to challenge you to keep this word in mind: START. Absolutely take time to count the cost! Don’t neglect that by any stretch. But don’t let the paralysis of analysis stop you in your tracks. Solomon writes these words:

Ecclesiastes 11:4: “If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done” (NLT)

I don’t believe in the whole New Years Resolutions thing. If you don’t have the discipline to change in April, why would you have more discipline in January?? So, don’t make this a resolution… just start what you believe God wants you to do.

Here’s what the leader wrote:

Our group will be doing some things differently for our next study. We all have very busy schedules and each family has a lot of stuff piling up that needs to get done at our homes. Some of the families recently had babies and you can only imagine how busy they are.

Last week we showed up at at our host home and Daniel was on a ladder trying to clean his gutters and squeeze in a project before small group meeting. He was there, by himself, on the ladder.  We need to ask our friends for help and be willing to return the favor. For us to help others we can start by helping each other and then maybe continue to others in need.

In the CONNECT series, we had a study a few weeks back that we talked about PRIDE and how we don’t ask for help because we think we can handle it ourselves. This is a chance for us all to break our pride and let others help us out. We found that our small group gatherings have been getting smaller recently and the main reason is because we are all behind on our to do lists.

We came up with a plan! Each of us are going to make a list of projects that need to get done around our house. Sometimes this list is referred to as a “honey do list.” Each week, we are going to have a fellowship gathering at each family’s home and work on their list. We are at our best when we are helping other people, so why not help our own family’s with their projects. It is another activity that defines team building and brings us closer together.

I was sixteen years old. My family had just moved from Montreal, PQ to a small city just outside Vancouver, BC. We had arrived in town just before the weekend and really hadn't got our boxes unpacked that Sunday morning when we got up and headed to church. Dad was the new pastor of a church. The biggest question of the morning: where were my mother, my sister and I supposed to sit. Mom was never the kind of Pastor's Wife that had any desire for a high profile in the church so we chose to sit in a back corner, about three rows from the back and against the outside aisle. Of course, we were in our seats a few minutes before the service began.

Just as the service began, a married couple came walking in and uttered words I'll never forget: "Excuse me, those are our seats." And then they stood there waiting for us to move. Stunned beyond words, we got the not-so-subtle-hint and moved back a row... because it was empty! As a sixteen year old who was still developing his spiritual gift of sarcasm...

But wait, that's not all!

Five minutes later, well after the service had begun, a family comes walking in... "Oh (with feigned surprise), we normally sit there. We'll find another seat - this week." The point was made! They easily found another seat a couple rows up.

You have no idea of the amount of joy that flooded my soul later in the service. The Vice Chairman of the Church Board introduced my father to the church family, and then asked if we would stand up. Before I heard welcoming applause, I heard a gasp from a few people in the rows in front of us. At the conclusion of the service, most of those seated around us gave us a hearty welcome.

That day, I learned that Pew Stealing is a terrible abomination. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited -  until you try to sit in their pew. I do not recall ever sitting in that area of that church after that day.

The Church is about change... helping people change so they can become more like Christ. Just don't ask some of them to change the pew they sit in.

I was born in Hong Kong to missionary parents. By birth- determined citizenship is Canadian. I am living in the States and have been a Naturalized citizen of the USA for more than four years now.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been proud when USA team members won gold, I have been proud when Canadian teams won. I was ecstatic when the Canadian hockey team won.

There was something that happened earlier today that made me even more ecstatic though. Something tied to another, more important, citizenship that I also hold. When I was child, I became a citizen of heaven and what truly brought a tear to my eye was watching a handful of people walked to the front of a church auditorium and make the decision to follow Christ! Now that’s something to be proud of!

Philippians 3:20 “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ”

I am proud of my citizenship in heaven!

The first session was filled with technical difficulties and we only got to see about three or four minutes as the speaker wrapped up. The first session we were able to see was presented by Mindy Caliguire who pointed to 'the primary quality in a small group leader: A healthy Soul.' She pointed out some of the "Symptoms of Soul Neglect" which, unfortunately, I have aquired some personal knowledge in over the years. Anger, apathy, judgmental spirit, insomnia, fear and isolation. Thankfully, Mindy pointed out some of the "Symptoms of a Healthy Soul" also. Humble confidence, safety in our relationships, clear purpose, energy and awareness to what God is doing around us. The most memorable piece of Mindy's talk had to do with what she referred to as four zones of leadership. I'll be tracking down her book for further learning, Discovering Soul Care. Hopefully the publisher will make it available on the Kindle. I will not soon forget her comment: "Leadership can be dangerous to our soul."

Dr. Henry Cloud followed next in the batting order and covered the topic of safety in group life. He covered seven ingredients to people feeling safe in a group setting. 1) They need to know the rules (that we want to address areas of hurt), 2) They need a structured path (knowing how to work through tensions for example), 3) They should have a 'language' (phrases that quickly get everyone on the same page, 'last 10%'), 4) They are helping each other (intentional involvement in each others lives), 5) They see it modeled (leaders must show the way), 6) They establish group norms (a group sub-culture of expected behaviors), 7) They talk about what safe looks like (specifically defined by individuals w/o judgment).

I've been reading Heather Zempel's blog for what seems like a year now. She generated some of the best comments by talking about her experience with "pig poo." I hope she retells it in her blog because I could not do it justice. Heather's topic: Community is messy! We can't just say STOP to the mess in community. We must create environments where the mess becomes useful in the transformation of lives. When people grow in their faith, mess is the actual by-product. When people grow in their faith, mess is can be the catalyst for that very growth. She gave us three types of mess that exist in groups; Sin, Relational Tension/Conflict and Life mess (the uphill seasons of life). I'll be spending some time on this and teaching these thoughts to our group life leaders!

Then it was time for lunch! Our group ran out to a small deli across the street from the courthouse. Great food!

In the always tough speaking slot - because blood is flowing to the stomach to digest food instead of keeping the brain sharp and alert - was Russ Robinson. Russ used a case study approach with live drama to illustrate the idea that leaders need more than topical and biblical knowledge, they need more than skills at facilitating a group discussion, they need "situational decision making ability."  The maturity in how to deal with the mess as is actually happens.

Bill Donahue addressed one of my personally favorite topics: Looking at Scripture in Group. He reminds us that 1) we need to study the Bible for yourself but not by yourself, 2) we should never engage the text without encountering the author, and 3) we need to read the Bible for transformation not just information. My thoughts continued to drift to how our groups can become too curriculum dependent and miss the focused study and application of biblical principles.

One of my favorite communicators, Andy Stanley finished the line up of speakers. Our groups are currently using his LO$T series with great response. Andy walked through the reasons why he is sold out to group life. He addressed Sr. Pastors frankly who want their people in groups but claim they are too busy for group life themselves: hypocrisy. Having served one of those leaders I am so happy to have a senior pastor who is committed to living out group life personally, not just corporately. It truly does make leading the local church into group life so much easier!

When I attend conferences, I tend to keep a separate page of random thoughts. I had a few but this one stands out: "You can't be in each others lives if you only meet a couple of times a month." Thinking it though, even once a week isn't enough.

Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:46-47